Yes, 50 Shades of Grey is out, bringing BDSM practices – or at least conversations about them –  into the living rooms of North Americans, a second time in just a few short months.

If you live in Canada or within a radiowave distance of Canadian stations, you’ve heard of the Jian Ghomeshi, a former popular CBC host of a show Q, whose story and downfall broke out late in 2014. As of now, Jian is awaiting trial on a total of seven counts of sexual assault with a maximum possible sentence of life in prison. Ghomeshi claimed and is still insisting he practiced “consentual BDSM”.

That sounded immediately very iffy to me and to several BDSM bloggers who pointed out that BDSM submissives (subs) are usually very well aware that they are going to get hit, in fact, the preparation and discussion of boundaries goes on for a lot longer than for “vanilla” sex. The subs clarify when, where, how and for how long – and the dominant partner’s job is to play on the border, the boundary, balancing on the edge, never going over.

What had also come up in a public conversations that was just as interesting, is the law of consent to violence.  Apparently, “The Supreme Court has said that a person cannot consent to an assault that causes bodily harm. “ If the voluntary activity causes bodily damage, the person at fault can be charged!  The law was mostly meant to protect against “consensual” bar brawls, but has some far reaching consequences for the backyard martial arts groups. Basically, if you break your informal training partner’s leg, he is in construction, out of work for several months and he decided to press charges, the law is on his side.

How is your group dealing with this issue? What precautions you take while training in and out of the dojo?  Let us know in the comments!

P.S. And if you want to watch a good BDSM movie and not that pile of watery s*&^, try Secretary.

The first 6 minutes covers 7 basic strikes that work well in a sudden or melee type of situation. I like to call these types of moves, one-hit-wonders because they’re straight forward fight-stoppers. Also, you don’t need years of advanced training to use them, though they can still be used with softer “more advanced” skills if you’ve got ‘em.

For another angle on sudden use situations, check out the video on The Fence in my previous article on Geoff Thompson.

A Repertoire of Strikes

You’ll notice that I’ve added two photos from Bruce Lee’s book, for a total of nine strikes. These last ones require more training and aim, but they still fit the theme.

Next, the fun part…!

For the second half of the clip, the role of the attackers is to grab and restrain the defender.

The defender’s role is to simply not get caught, while maintaining minimum distance. I’ve taught this kind of drill many times over the years (randori versions of “en no undo” & “sen no undo” in the Bujinkan), and it’s a great way to practice mindful non-attachment and being the observer. Eventually, you’ll become familiar and even comfortable with the swarming pattern, as well as be able to recognize openings and opportunities. Plus, the drill doubles as a great cardio workout!

When it’s decided, the defender switches from being purely defensive, to counterstriking with the methods listed above, or with whatever responses suit the moment.

You can also amp up the drill by allowing the attackers to strike and kick as well as grab, while varying the sophistication of the attacks.

Here’s a video that’s currently holding top position on YouTube’s homepage. It just passed 10.2 million hits, in only 4 days. (update: 34 million hits after six months)

It’s interesting to compare the reactions of the people in the elevator, though I really wish the prankster wasn’t able to call “time-out” as soon as he felt personally threatened.

A few observations:

– If someone seems cool, casual, and is laughing, it doesn’t mean that she/he doesn’t feel threatened.

– It’s a natural reaction for people to close their eyes, or turn their backs [which is the easiest way to get stabbed, dragged down, or choked out], unfortunately.

– Confusion may leave people open to suggestion and instruction — even from their assailant if the assailant is charismatic, has a good sense of timing, and puts on a good act. Just like a hypnotist or a con artist, (or a pickup artist).

– Crazy behaviour and unusual leaps of judgement can occur — at one moment, people could be in a highly adrenalized fight-or-flight state… and 2 seconds later, they could be exchanging high-fives, hugs, back slaps, handshakes, and snapping selfies. (I saw these in other videos by the same guy).

– Instead of directed verbal aggression, screaming is a surprisingly common response.

– The people who responded better claimed their share of the elevator floorspace right from the beginning, and the people who didn’t respond well gave up their floorspace right from the beginning. This was actually a predictor of how the prank was going to go down.

– Some people are more ready to respond than others.

– So much operates on instinct!

Thoughts? More observations? Is fouseyTUBE’s laugh getting on your nerves yet?

Please share!

(related link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortal_Kombat)

The first level - training, playfighting, martial art for a sake of beauty and pleasure. About the same category as ballet (boring), gymnastics (better) and badminton (fun).  This is most of the training that I have been receiving.

The second level –  restraint and control. That’s where I would like to spend most of my time, because that’s where these people are: the drunk guy in the same subway car,  a male date getting a little too friendly too soon, a neighbour next door having a domestic dispute that is getting rowdy. Most of my neighbours are sweet and tiny Phillipino people though, so I guess I can cross this one out. :). I am a smaller woman, so a stick  in my hand would come in much desired here and I would like to learn how to use it well!

The third level - self-defense – damage to the point of the attacker not being able to do much for some period of time. I would put a guy rudely asking for my wallet or taking off with my laptop in this one. See some fight stoppers here.

The fourth level - going for the kill. I sure pray to God to never ever come across someone who needs to be destroyed ASAP. The scenarios are too scary to even put here – your life or your child’s life against theirs.

I think the training for each of this intent levels should be taught on different days or may be even different months (or different years?) and equally, or at least make the student aware that you are only teaching on one or two planes. Then the women that show up for self-defense training don’t get bored playfighting and the people who want to stick their fingers in someone’s eyes will get a chance eventually too. Then when the situation arises, you hopefully will automatically move to that mode of functioning and use the tools that are appropriate – not too subtle, not too strong.

What do you think?

This is the event the coalition is helping to sponsor, and here is the downloadable poster . Looking forward to seeing you all there!

Here are a few excerpts from the book

“I don’t know where the world keeps nightclub customers when they’re not drinking and dancing, because I don’t see people like them anywhere else but inside. Before I became a bouncer, I hadn’t seen people like that walking the streets, at least not in such overwhelming numbers. Originally, I thought maybe they all lived at the club, but now I’m sure they don’t, because I see them all leave at the end of the night. Clearing the room at closing time—four a.m. here in New York—is part of my job, so if they really did live there, I’d know. ”

“Bouncing’s like anything else—you learn it only by doing…   I figured out how to assert myself with everyone—even people I wouldn’t ordinarily fuck with. I found that I could talk just about anybody out of anything—even people who wouldn’t otherwise give me the time of day because I was a bouncer. The title, along with the big, block-lettered staff sign across the back of my shirt, seemed to make people listen. When they didn’t, all I needed to do was get behind them and choke them until they did. There’s a ratio you eventually learn: the harder you work to obstruct a drunk’s breathing, the wider their ears seem to open.”

“A thumb to the eye is one of those moves that will elicit an immediate instinctive reaction from the recipient. Another is a kick to the testicles. When someone kicks you in the nuts, it hurts like a motherfucker, and the first thing you’ll do is vomit, profusely. Likewise, when someone sticks his thumb in your eye, you’ll swing. Trust me on this one. There’s no thought process involved when something’s in your eye, especially when that something is another man’s thumb.”

Rob had spent a few years making very decent money standing by VIP lounge and eventually, the coveted cash spot, the door, where people who want to squeeze past the line have a few extra twenties in their palm. The book is an easy read unless you are not fond of about a dozen of F-words on every page and buckets of sarcasm used to describe the regular club-goers.  The description of relationship between bouncers was interesting too – the same kind of camaraderie that exists between soldiers on the front line – in a lesser extent, of course and marred somewhat by who is making what kind of cash where.

I think it would have been more interesting if Rob had actually maybe tried to dance once or twice himself – just to see what people go to the clubs for! Again, a little less sarcasm and a few more sympathetic and humourous observations of fellow human beings would have made a more lasting impression on me.  Overall, I am glad I hyper-clicked my way to it, and it’s at least worth digital “leafing through” on Amazon.com

The following is my rant and download of important points from last Tuesday’s training:

Multiple opponents practice is in many ways the opposite, and an important counterbalance, to regular sparring practice.  Understanding this will allow you to make best use of  multiple opponents training.  I’m speaking here of unarmed practice.

Individual sparring simulates a consensual and “fair” one-on-one duel.  The opponents stand in each other’s intimate personal space*, and cooperate to stay there in order to test techniques and prove ones fighting abilities.  Outside the dojo though, this attitude can lead to disaster.  A little irrational and compulsive “mano-a-mano” can easily escalate when sudden hatred or terror causes one person to over react and pull a knife.  It can be a slippery slope, a cascade of violence, when primitive instincts are involved.        *(read On Killing, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman)

On the other hand, multiple opponents practice simulates an “unfair” situation where you’re outnumbered and out-powered already.  By definition, it is to your disadvantage (as it should be for it to be a worthwhile exercise), so escalation is already presumed.  Hence, if you cooperate and “stand your ground” as you would while sparring, you will lose.  You’ll be surrounded, cornered, jumped, and dragged to the ground and submitted.  It’s not like the movies where opponents only attack one at a time.

Multiple opponents practice serves as an important reminder that even though you may be highly skilled, you can still be easily defeated by moderately skilled opponents who use even a smidge of strategy and commitment.  So, to stay and fight, “see what happens”, or see how fate will suddenly and magically turn things in your favour, is not the sensible thing to do when it comes to your own survival.

The primary approach to practice then, is not your ability to fight, but your ability to judge the situation wisely to know when to attack, when to retreat or flee, and when to wait. Work on rearranging the “chess pieces” to your favour, instead of fighting as if you’re the stronger one (good luck!). It goes without saying that one must control the situation, but getting stuck in a sparring mindset or fixed stance (or grip), or let your ego or tunnel vision fool you into doing so, will lead to failure.  Always have your exit plan ready, while maintaining close watch on your other opponents and the environment.  Focus on controlling or dispatching one opponent at a time, while maintaining a safe distance from the others. Be a moving target and remember the importance of aerobic fitness and escaping skills. Self-preservation comes first.

There are strategies to multiple opponents practice as well, such as (in no particular order):

• lining up your opponents and using the one closest to you as a shield against attacks from the others.
• creating fear in your opponents by sending a “brutal message” by “making an example” of one of your opponents, or taking an opponent as “hostage” to negotiate your safe passage.
• fleeing and/or finding a game changer (weapon, police, friends, etc).
• tactically communicating on verbal, physical, and subliminal levels to de-escalate the situation

But apart from these strategies, the approach to practice that strangely, isn’t always as intuitive as it should be (for males who are taught from an early age to be heroic “because the good guys always win”) is:  the ability to evade, and live to fight another day.

I just had the pleasure of training with a Sensei who was visiting Canada, and who has been training many years in the Bujinkan Dojo, both in Canada and Germany.

What I found stands out, was his absolutely relaxed method, which has iron power underneath. He would demonstrate a movement by going into an average pose, such as leaning on a post, or laying sun tanning, and from there show the simple power of fluid and relaxed motion coming from the core of the body to alleviate any hostile situation, while protecting both himself AND the attacker from harm. I am certain that his advice is echoed by every experienced teacher and is useful for every art and lifestyle to apply, it was a welcome reminder in his own enjoyable and humorous expression.

Some of the essentials were:

• Keep the body upright and relaxed, use the power of both the core, gentle turning and stepping, along with bending of the knees and elbows to apply techniques.
• Do not use “force”, (grabbing, pushing, holding, raising the limbs etc.) in your initial actions, relax and do not create a defensive response in your opponent.
• All techniques using your opponents limbs can be transferred fluidly to use with any object as a weapon, by extending it as your own limb.
• Be open and creative, life never happens like the classroom. Be playful in your training, never “muscle” or tense against each other.
• Smile and keep your eyes on your target, while remaining aware of your surroundings and any other potential opponents.
• Keep your own limbs close to your core normally, loose and focused. Once you drop into a technique, do not stand up.
• Do not grip or tighten against your opponent, no matter what they do.
• Always protect your opponent from more harm than necessary.

I am very grateful for a new perspective and a wonderful evening which flew by with this Sensei’s guidance. I feel enriched to add his gentle and relaxed methodology into my everyday training.

I always thought that if you are good at something, it will show up early and you will gravitate to people and activities that support your “something”.  I am good at languages and in grade 4 when our suddenly pregnant English teacher quickly left our village,  I –  at ten years of age, on my own –  took a two hour bus ride to town every Sunday to go see an English tutor.  No one made me.

Do you think it’s possible for a woman (or a man) to grow up completely unaware that they have something called a “fighting spirit” and then find it? Or that they at one point could become a top fighter in MMA? Do you think there may be women all around you that can kick your ass and they are never tempted to try? What are your thoughts?